Small town Big Island

So why is it that real swingers, that's a MW, couple, who want and like to swap partners for sexual pleasures are so always hung up on stuff like age, looks, must be barbie and ken, think that "must be discrete" (like someone would publish in a newspaper that they had swapped partners for sex with hilojim and hilo rene, that they don't respond or go for the first date! So why?